


don't let me down (i've been losing my mind)

by TrinityLH (Trinity)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is hurting, Angst, Break Up, Hurt No Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Introspection, M/M, Post-2x18, post 2x18, so am I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinity/pseuds/TrinityLH
Summary: Once the elevator doors closed, Alec let himself have two minutes before he'd go back and check on Max





	don't let me down (i've been losing my mind)

**Author's Note:**

> how they executed the breakup was good and I'm happy that's how it happened but I still want to die :)

Once the elevator doors closed, Alec let himself have two minutes before he'd go back and check on Max. The tears that threatened to fall during their confrontation poured over like a dam opening, with his hands shaking and his heart breaking. 

His throat hurt from trying to hold back the sobs, not letting any air through. This was his fault, he'd tell himself, maybe he deserved the pain that he was feeling now, he deserved the tears and the shakiness and the spots clouding his vision because he couldn't fucking breathe. If only he'd told him about the soul sword, if only he'd taken his head out of his ass and trusted Magnus with it. But it was never really about trust was it? He thought bitterly, it was him wanting to protect Magnus of the burden it would have on him. He didn't want Magnus to have to keep information from his people, he didn't want to risk people losing trust in their leader. Now the only one compromised of trust was Alec. Alec with a broken heart and cloudy vision, Alec who hadn't realized he'd been quietly sobbing in the middle of the institute hallway, Alec who deserved everything he got. 

"Goddamn it." He whispered quietly to himself, because this was always how it was supposed to turn out right? Alec kept hurting Magnus over and over again, and who else expected anything but Magnus leaving him in the end. Magnus, an all powerful warlock, a man who had lived for centuries, who has seen war and turmoil and peace and love. Someone who helps those who are sick and brings comfort to those who are hurting. A man centuries better than Alec. How could it turn out any differently than Magnus leaving Alec, In the end. So how could Alec be so heartbroken about something that he's known all along? Whatever heartbreak Alec is feeling now he pushes it down. Magnus left him, this was it for them and he couldn't do anything to change that. 

It doesn't matter that Magnus said he loves him, it doesn't matter that it feels like Alec's life is reshaping itself in the worst way possible, all that matters is that this is what happened. Magnus left him. The love of his life doesn't want to be with him anymore, and fuck if that doesn't hurt the most. What's done is done though, so Alec takes one more deep breath and tries to forget about it. Wiping his eyes, Alec takes one last look at the elevator and spins on his heels towards Max's room. His two minutes were up.


End file.
